Stefani's most-fantastical-reads book montage

Crooked Kingdom
Six of Crows
Yellow Brick War
The Wicked Will Rise
Charm & Strange
Their Fractured Light
These Broken Stars
Big Little Lies
I'll Be There
Red Queen

Stefani's favorite books »

Thursday, May 28, 2009

First Birthing Class = Epic FAIL

Wow. That's really all I can say about our experience last night... We met up with Mike and Heidi for dinner at Red Robin before the class and I was nervous that I'd be overwhelmed and wouldn't remember anything or that we'd have to try all sorts of embarrassing things in front of perfect strangers (that makes me sound like I'm 12, but being on all fours in the middle of a group of strangers is not high on my life to-do list). When we walked in we found that we were the oldest couples there - by about 15 years!! There were three or four young teenage girls with their moms... eventually it evened out as more "normal" aged couples started wandering in. There were about 30 of us in all plus the midwife who was teaching the class. We started out with a basic review of anatomy (which I assume we all have figured out judging by our current state) and labor. Wahoo. Next, the boys were instructed to give us "Popsicle" hand massages - I'm not complaining but it was kind of goofy. Then we watched a 5 minute video (circa 1974) which was probably the most informative part of the whole class. The video was of another birthing class (going how I assumed ours would) practicing different position to alleviate pain. Then we wandered around the room and ready descriptions of these various position and were free to try them ourselves. The problem was, the "instructor" wasn't coaching us on how to do each position so it ended up with us giggling hysterically and looking totally lost. Some of those things *could* have been really useful but since neither one of us have a clue how to do them properly, I think we're screwed. Another fun activity was making our "labor quilts". Yes, it was as cheesy as it sounds. We took little pieces of paper that had different words or phrases on them (like "privacy" or "epidural") and glued them onto a piece of paper. So now we apparently have our entire birth plan mapped out in markers and construction paper - or not. Things went downhill from there... We picked apart the doula's labor bag and learned pretty much nothing. Then, as a closing activity, we played a version of the Newlywed Game but it was the "Labor Buddy" game... This was the most fun for me because I could make silly faces at Derek from across the room. All in all... I learned nothing of any use to me and wasted two glorious hours that I could have been sleeping. Now I'm not even sure I want to go to the all day class - if this was any indication of what we'll be learning, I'd rather wing it on my own.

I must pee before the next group of 7th graders gets here... I could rant on this class for hours, but I won't bore you...

1 comment:

  1. At least you guys had fun while learning nothing at all!


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