Saturday, March 28, 2009
But in all this excitement, I'm a little bit sad. This is the first time I'll be far away from Derek since I got pregnant and I feel really guilty. I'm so worried that something will happen (bad or good) and he won't be right there with me!! I'm thrilled to see my parents and I can't wait, I just wish he was coming too. It's Hammy's first vacation and Derek won't be there to share it with us, and that makes me sad. On the other hand, I also know that this is probably the last time I'll get to go down and be with my parents for a long time. Airfare will be too expensive for the three of us and I know I won't want to leave Derek and the little one for any longer than I have to. Maybe it's all the crazy pregnancy hormones, but I'm really happy and really sad at the same time...
Alright... off I go to pack :)
How far along? 14 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Up one more pound to ten, but I'm blaming it on constipation... If I could poop, I'd be 3 pounds lighter!!!
Maternity clothes? Yup
!Stretch marks? No, thank god!!
Sleep: Still loving it, but now I'm able to stay up until 8:30 or 9:00... Wahooo!!
Best moment this week: Hearing baby's heartbeat after my yardwork scare...
Movement: Nope, still waiting.
Food cravings: Baked spaghetti
Gender: Not a freaking clue anymore :(
Labor Signs: None
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Going out and having a good time with friends (can't drink, can't stay up late)
What I am looking forward to: Taking Hammy on our first vacation to Arizona!!
Weekly Wisdom: Enjoy each day - it FLIES by...
Milestones: Being able to take vitamin C pills without puking... yea me!!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
I woke up this morning and after 9 weeks of the most insane bloat known to man (or more appropriately - to woman) - it's gone. I can see my toes again and my skin no longer feels like it's stretched to its breaking point. I know that this won't last for long and soon enough I'll be stretched out for real - but I'll take the breaks where I can get them!! I've even lost 2 1/2 pounds!! Annnd, (nope not done yet) I've had enough energy to stay up until 8:30 (act impressed, that's an hour and a half later than usual!!) the last few nights!! So far, I like the second trimester!!!
Monday, March 23, 2009
I called the doctor this morning because I was having some pretty bad cramping after doing yardwork this weekend. After talking to the nurse, they decided to have me come in and get checked out just in case. Derek was sick in bed so I went alone and I was scared the whole way there - I can even imagine how I'd feel if I'd hurt the baby while planting stupid roses!! After a few minutes the doctor came in and poked and prodded me and then pulled out the doppler... and right away, there was baby's heartbeat - strong as ever. Thank God. I'm on modified bed rest for a few days - no big activities and no heavy lifting/pushing/pulling (or digging) but then I should be good as new. This pregnancy stuff really takes getting used to!
Sunday, March 22, 2009
I did get some things accomplished this weekend - I weeded my garden and planted some new rosebushes. I also started my veggies in my new little windowsill "greenhouse". I don't think mother nature appreciates my attempts however, when I went out to plant my roses today it started to hail. It was perfectly sunny and calm allllll day and when I finally win the fight and get the shed door open, the sky starts spitting little pellets at me. I waited it out in the shed for 5 minutes and then continued on with my planting. I was stoked to take some pictures of the garden and greenhouse to post for progress but I think I left my camera at work (oh thank you pregnancy brain) or I lost it. Either way, I'm pissy about not having it here!!
Derek is coming down with some nasty flu bug and I just KNOW I'm going to get it right before (or during) my vacation to Arizona. :(
I guess I'm going to the store to get some soup and salad stuff... and cookies for Hammy. Then we can relax and watch Twilight tonight (chorus of angels singing) and I can sleep in tomorrow... because I get Monday off!!! Woot woot!! Sorry for the pointless post - I'm bored and I needed to include you in my boredness.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
How far along? 13 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: None this week!! Holding steady at 9 pounds.
Maternity clothes? Yes, I love them!
Stretch marks? No, thank god!!
Sleep: I love sleep!! I go to bed at 7pm most nights!
Best moment this week: Getting on the scale and seeing 135.0 - for the second week in a row!!
Movement: I swear I felt something Tuesday night but it is still really early, it was probably just gas :)
Food cravings: Pita Pit!
Gender: I'm thinking girl right now...
Labor Signs: None
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Mai Tai's
What I am looking forward to: Feeling real movement! I can't wait!
Weekly Wisdom: If something doesn't sound good - DON'T EAT IT!! You will puke for hours...
Milestones: Making it to the end of the 2nd trimester! Wahoo!!
"You won't need to try any secret recipes to bring on labor. Have your emergency numbers ready. Don't wait until the last minute to get your nursery ready. We predict your baby will come 1-2 weeks early. Your baby will most likely be born in the morning. Justmommies predicts that your baby will weigh approximately 6.5 pounds and that your labor will be about 12 hours long."
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
It's my first home alone night since I found out I was pregnant...
What if I have another bad dream?? What if it's windy and the garbage can falls over and I convince myself that someone is trying to break in?? What if I need Quizno's and there is no-one there to go get it for me????? What if my flu bug comes back and there is no one to babysit the famous passer-outer???
::crosses arms and continues to pout::
Monday, March 16, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Derek: "Alright then, go brush your teeth and get ready for bed - don't worry about the cookies."
Stefani: "Well.... I could stay up long enough to have a cookie."
Derek: "You need your sleep, don't worry about it"
Stefani: "But it's not for me! The itty bitty wants a cookie!"
Derek: (Laughs and then proceeds to imitate Hammy from Over The Hedge) "But I like the cookie..."
And hence, our itty bitty now has a nickname - Hammy.
Friday, March 13, 2009
My normal weight is 125 (I'm 5'3"). I gained 3 pounds over the holidays and when I got pregnant I was 128. I am now 135. I base my gain on my pre-holiday weight because that is what I'm going to be shooting for to get back to... I haven't gained anywhere except for bloat and boobs... So sorry for being a glutton... What the hell does she care what I weigh??
Now that my reasonably happy day sucks, I'm going to go eat my orange and drink my water.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
How far along? 12 weeks (that's 3 months for you math people!!)
Total weight gain/loss: Up 9 pound lbs. =[
Maternity clothes? Every damn day
Stretch marks? No, thank god!!
Sleep: I'm always tired but I've been waking up at 3am every day this week!
Best moment this week: Making it to 12 weeks!! Being able to feel the top of my ute if I poke hard...
Food cravings: Fruit... lots and lots of fruit...
Gender: I'm thinking girl right now...
Labor Signs: None
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: Being able to do things without being out of breath in 20 seconds!
What I am looking forward to: Getting to be officially in my 2nd tri at the end of week 13...
Weekly Wisdom: Let go and let God.
Milestones: Another week without throwing up!!
He assured me that the district and the union will do everything in their power to make sure that teachers don't get cut - it may make teaching a tough profession for a few years, larger class sizes, no new materials, fewer support staff, etc. BUT it could save my job. He also assured me that my time here will come into play when they are looking and non-renewals, as will my ESL and Language Arts endorsements. I would also have unofficial priority in being hired back if I were let go. He said that my job performance has been great and that if I were let go, it would be a business decision, nothing else.
On the other hand, he has no idea how bad the deficit will be, when we'll get numbers that will tell us anything, or how the union will react to all of this.
So, just like yesterday, I don't really know anything - but at least I know I'm not being singled out or pushed out and that if there is any fiscal way for the district to keep me, they will.
And - you should all be proud of me, I didn't cry at all while he was here. I'm choked up now but trying to keep the mascara in place so that my 3rd period kids don't freak out... I have 25 minutes to gain composure.
::sigh:: back to work....
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
I have worked in this school district for 5 years. 1 as a tutor, 2 as a parapro, and now 2 as a teacher - I have climbed the ladder and landed exactly where I always wanted to be - teaching middle school language arts. This is one of the most desired districts in the area and I know I'm lucky to be here. All that being said, I am still a "provisional" teacher - one who has less than two years teaching experience. This state's budget is currently screwed up sixteen ways to Sunday and one of the options our district is looking at for cuts is removing provisional teachers. I have known that this possibility was real since Christmas and it has been talked about a lot in the last few weeks but this morning I received an email that made it even more terrifying. There are 7 provisional employees in our district - I am the one with the most experience of the 7. Tomorrow I have a meeting with the superintendent to discuss "the possibilities" that exist with different budget scenarios. In the email that I received today, it specifically says that the district can "non renew" any provisional employee without having to give reason. Okay, fine. But it also says that the district can "cherry pick" the ones they want to keep - seniority and endorsements don't have to play a role, which I had assumed they would. In-between hysterical crying fits, I have been trying to write down all my questions but I have a very hard time imagining myself being able to actually ask these questions without losing my composure. How do you ask someone why they don't want YOU anymore? Especially when deep down, you have that little voice telling you that spilling the beans about being pregnant was a mistake - that if nobody knew, at least I couldn't wonder if that is playing into their decision. I don't know what will come out of that meeting, if anything... I don't know what the state budget will look like, and I don't know if I will have a job in the fall...
In all of this panic and uncertainty, I am left wondering how - without a job, benefits, any certainty at all - will we be able to take care of this tiny little person we will be bringing into the world. We cannot pay our bills on Derek's salary alone - bottom line, it isn't possible. And that's just our bills now - when the baby comes I can't even imagine how much they will increase. I'm not on Derek's insurance because we were trying to save money, so if I lose my job I have to (if I'm allowed) pick up and pay the premiums because I'll be due a month AFTER I get canned. That could be $300+ a month! Unemployment is a possibility but it won't pay for enough. I took out disability insurance so that when we did get pregnant my salary would be protected - I've been paying in $100 each month and if I lose my job, I also lose the $900 in premiums that I've paid. I'm sick (literally) just thinking about it - I know that everyone says there is never a "good" time to have a baby but I want to be able to provide anything this kid needs and right now I feel like I can't even promise to know how we are going to put food on the table and keep a roof over our heads. I'm scared and now that Derek is beginning to worry it seems more real. He is always the one to keep my feet on the ground and make sure that I don't freak out too much. Today he wrote a letter to the editor and didn't have a lot of encouraging words when I talked to him. I think he is finally realizing that we really have no control over this and that it is a very real possibility that we are going to be in a serious bind this fall. Obviously I'm saving every penny I can, am paying off all the excess bills, and getting everything in order, but that won't save us for long. I guess I need to quit venting here and go prepare my list of questions... keep your fingers crossed that the state gets it's head out of it's ass and realizes that cutting education is the stupidest thing they could do... I'll write more when I know more...
Sunday, March 8, 2009
How far along? 11 weeks!
Total weight gain/loss: Okay - I'm being honest here and that takes guts... 8 pounds gained. Gulp!!
Maternity clothes? Yes - I give up. Comfort trumps style.
Stretch marks? No, thank God for small favors.
Sleep: Can't get enough but the last two nights have been restless and I've been up earlier than I wanted to (read: 9am)
Best moment this week: Not throwing up!!! Wahoo!!
Food cravings: The one thing that alwasys sounds good is Quizno's (Chicken Carbonara... mmmmmm)
Gender: Still hoping for a girl...
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: My coffee...oh Starbucks!
What I am looking forward to: A short week at work = more time relaxing and blogging
Weekly Wisdom: Keep up on housework and laundry so you can relax on Sundays!
Milestones: Not a "high risk" pregnancy anymore!!!
I can only describe this feeling by rewinding my life a few years to the first time I flew down to Arizona to see my parents. My mom and I went shopping at the Scottsdale Mall, something I had been dying to do. As we wandered through the stores, however, I began to realize something - the girls there were all prettier, skinnier, and much MUCH wealthier that I was. Every store we went in, there were hoardes of them - dropping $500 dollars without batting an eye, middle schoolers with authentic Coach bags (something I had to wait until I was out of college for!!!), perfect size 0 bodies, tanned skin, styled hair... I wanted to run them all over with a Mac truck. It took weeks (and returning to Yakima) to start feeling "normal" again. I've never hated my looks, I have always managed to stay in some semblence of shape, and I've always felt like I had the things I needed (plus enough of what I wanted, to get by) but Scottsdale really screwed that up for me.
Now, some 3 years later - I find myself in tiny, little, hicktown Yakima and feeling like a lost girl in Scottsdale. I hate skinny people. All of them. Even if I love them, I secretly want to kick them in the shins right now. I was a twig all the way through highschool, gained a few appropriate college pounds at Wazzu, and then a married pound or two for good measure. But I've always stayed in shape and my clothes, for the most part have stayed the same size since I graduated from WSU. Now, I'm a bloated disaster. While the tiny peanut growing in my ute is only the size of a lime - I look like I'm carrying a small honeydew. My fingers are swollen and it's only a matter of days or weeks before I can't get my wedding ring on anymore. There is cellulite on my freaking ass (this was hands down the most horrifying revelation so far in pregnancy - forget constipation and peeing every 8 seconds - my butt looks disgusting!!!!). And what's worse? It seems to have appeared overnight. Add to that my fear of stretch marks and spider veins and you can see that this is going to be a rough ride!
Now I always swore that when I got pregnant I'd be eating salad and plain chicken, drinking lots of water and milk and exercising every day. I was not going to let weather or "being tired" get in the way of saying fit during pregnancy. Then I got pregnant... and everything changed. I can only liken the tiredness to staying up all night, working an 8 hour shift, running a marathon, completing my entire list of spring cleaning "to-do's", and then hosting a full holiday dinner. It's amazing. There are times when I think I could actually fall asleep in the shower/on the toliet/standing up/mid conversation (or blog for that matter). So all that energy that I thought I would have to work out, get the house ready, and still be social - (laughs) is taken up simply but doing the bare minimum to get through the day and collect a paycheck. So once, maybe twice a week, I get enough of a burst of energy to talk the dog for a walk or lift weights (I'm terrified of fat arms!!) - but other than that, I'm either curled up on the couch or in bed as soon as I'm home from work.
I honestly can't remember ever criticizing one of my friends or family members during pregnancy - I've always thought that pregnant women were beautiful. I was envious of their glow, their big bellies, and nothing else really mattered. Now, when I go to work or out with friends, I'm constantly worried that people are silently lecturing me in their heads, telling me not to get "too fat" during the next 6 1/2 months. I'm totally parinoid. It's annoying.
I honestly don't know the point of this blog - I just got out of the shower, took one look at myself, and figured I had better write something down or I might explode. You would think that I would now be motivated to take the dog for a walk... but the cat is snoring and reminding me that it's Sunday afternoon and a nap sounds mighty fine... ::yawns::
Thursday, March 5, 2009
That still leaves me with debilitating morning sickness, heartburn, bloat and gas that is undescribable (lucky for you), funky pains, exhaustion beyond belief, and the need to pee at least 100 times a day... Add to that the INSANE hormones and you have one messed up little pregnant person. I cried on my way to work today... why, you ask? Oh, because I had to wave goodbye to Derek on my way out - don't ask why that made me cry, just go with it. My students seem to be getting less independent as the year goes on... I am painfully aware of how many times I get asked the EXACT SAME question each day - and when I got in my car last night, I screamed and banged my fists on the steering wheels (totally looked like a scene from "The Whole Nine Yards")...
So you would think that I would call one of the 5 pregnant people I know who are due right around the same time as me and vent to them, or at least make sure I'm not crazy. But I don't - I feel like I'm all alone in this and like nobody understands. More than anything, I want to be with my parents (and I will at the end of the month, if I haven't been committed by then...) Parents take care of you in a way that nobody else can... I can't describe it any other way. This is one of the first times in my life that I really REALLY wish I had a sister - someone close to me that I could be honest with about how I'm feeling. I have always loved that I was an only child but now, I feel like I'm missing something. Derek tries to understand but he's not going through this the way I am - and half the time, I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm crazy... :/
I don't know why I'm writing this - I guess I needed to say it somewhere... now that my venting is complete, I should go get some work done... adios.