Stefani's most-fantastical-reads book montage

Crooked Kingdom
Six of Crows
Yellow Brick War
The Wicked Will Rise
Charm & Strange
Their Fractured Light
These Broken Stars
Big Little Lies
I'll Be There
Red Queen

Stefani's favorite books »

Thursday, November 5, 2009

I had a country music induced mental breakdown today...

As I was driving to the mall today, with Addison in tow, I was listening to the local country station and this song by Darius Rucker came on. I should know better than to listen to country while I'm still slightly hormonal. But against my better judgement I turned it to 104.1 because I feel guilty listening to Linkin Park and Metallica with a two month old in the car. I was listening to the lyrics and it hit me like a ton of bricks - we never get to go back, she'll never be that tiny newborn again. Already she's smiling and developing this adorable little personality and that newborn phase has passed us by. She's outgrown newborn clothes and moved out of newborn sized diapers... It feels like the last two months have gone by at warp speed and I panic that this is how it's going to be forever now, that in what seems to be the blink of an eye she'll be in school, driving, going to prom, moving to college, getting married... having kids. And as all this is flooding into my mind on highway 24, I broke down and started bawling. I have never known what it was like to love someone this much - so much that it feels like it could literally tear me in two pieces. I want every second to count, to be recorded, to be REMEMBERED because I know that it won't be like this for long. She won't always let me cuddle her in the rocking chair and stare at her, she won't always snuggle up to me when she's scared or tired, I won't always be able to hold her in my arms and the thought of that physically hurts me. I never understood, never even could fathom, what a parents love is like until I had this little girl. It scares me and overwhelms me every day because it's so new and so... BIG. So tonight, as I was putting her to bed, I stayed with her in the rocker for a few extra minutes trying to memorize the moment, trying to imprint it so deeply in my brain that I could never forget - how she smells like baby shampoo, how she does a suck-suck-pause with her pacifier, how she makes sweet little snoring noise while she's sleeping, I tried to memorize the feel of her little body in my arms, the warmth of her breath on my arm and I hope and pray that I'll never, ever forget those things. Please don't get me wrong, I so look forward to her growing and learning, and having all her big firsts and I know that those moments will be just as special as these have been but I just wish I could slow it down a bit, not let it fly by so fast.
He didn't have to wake up
He'd been up all night
Lay'n there in bed listen'n
To his new born baby cry
He makes a pot of coffee
He splashes water on his face
His wife gives him a kiss and says
It gonna be OK
It won't be like this for long
One day soon we'll look back laugh'n
At the week we brought her home
This phase is gonna fly by
So baby just hold on
It won't be like this for long
Four years later 'bout four thirty
She's crawling in their bed
And when he drops her off at preschool
She's clinging to his leg
The teacher peels her off of him
He says what can I do
She says now don't you worry
This will only last a week or two
It won't be like this for long
One day soon you'll drop her off
And she won't even know your gone
This phase is gonna fly by
If you can just hold on
It won't be like this for long
One day soon she'll be a teenager
And at times he'll think she hates him
Then he'll walk her down the isle
And he'll raise her veil
But right now she up and cry'n
And the truth is that he don't mind
As he kisses her good night
And she says her prayers
He lays down there beside her
Till her eyes are finally closed
And just watch'n her it breaks his heart
Cause he already knows
It won't be like this for long
One day soon that little girl is gonna be
All grown up and gone
Yeah this phase is gonna fly by
He's try'n to hold on
It won't be like this for long
It won't be like this for long

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