Stefani's most-fantastical-reads book montage

Crooked Kingdom
Six of Crows
Yellow Brick War
The Wicked Will Rise
Charm & Strange
Their Fractured Light
These Broken Stars
Big Little Lies
I'll Be There
Red Queen

Stefani's favorite books »

Monday, July 20, 2009

Putting two and two together...

Warning: This is a random one...

When I got engaged the wedding plans consumed my life - I was obsessed. I wanted everything to be perfect and ready right down to the tiniest detail. Things went wrong... caterer backed out, the linens were the right color (oh the horrors) and the ballroom almost ended up being too small for the number of people who RSVP'ed. I cried, I screamed, I had bridezilla fits that could have gotten me my own TV show. When I wasn't crying or screaming, I was obsessing. I meticulously filled 200 tiny glass bottles with dried lavender (NOT an easy feat, let me tell you) and tied itty bitty cards and ribbon onto them.

Then, the big day came. Things weren't exactly as I thought they would be but I realized then that I didn't care. I was lucky enough to be marrying the one person on the planet I knew I couldn't live without and that was all I needed.

Now, I find myself in that same obsessing, crying, tantrum throwing stage with baby stuff. It's not nearly as bad this time (okay, maybe we should ask Derek on that one but I don't THINK it's as bad as the wedding planning was) but I still get caught up in projects and tasks that, in the grand scheme of things, don't matter that much. After looking back at all the stuff I've had Derek doing, I realize that the shed having painted trim really (REALLY) has no impact on the arrival of our daughter. I guess I just feel like so much is out of my hands (having contractions all the time when I don't have a fully operational nursery - or even a carseat for that matter) that I grab hold of the stuff I can control and run with it like my life depends on it. So I know that having a perfect nursery won't ensure me the labor and delivery I want, it won't ensure that my daughter is healthy, it won't ensure that the way I envisioned my family being together will actually happen - but I guess it helps me focus all that nervous energy that has been building up in me while I sit on the couch and grow larger and larger...

In a few short weeks, we'll have our daughter here, in our arms - and none of this other stuff will matter. But for now, the people who love me most have to put up with me being extra OCD and I have to remind myself of what really matters - Addison and Derek and our little family. Everything else takes the back burner.

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