It's been almost a year since I woke up early on a Sunday morning, took a pregnancy test, and ran out of the bathroom screaming that I was pregnant to your dad. A year since our lives changed. A year since I found out that our family, no matter how complete I thought it was, would grow to include you and now I can't imagine how we ever lived without you. You are four months old now and you are the sweetest, happiest, most beautiful baby I could ever imagine. I love waking up in the morning and going into your room because I know that you are waiting there for me with the biggest, goofiest, gummy grin ever. I love rocking you to sleep at night and watching you snuggle up with the blanket I made for you when I lay you down in your crib. I love how you hold my fingers while your eating, and how you get a kung-fu grip on my hair any chance you get. I love how you are always looking around, smiling, and brightening everyone's day - even if it's just the random stranger behind us in line at the grocery store. I love watching you at bath time - seeing you play and smile and splash like a wild woman. You are my entire life now - I know you won't understand that fully until you hold your own child in your arms but I would give up anything and everything for you.
I keep talking to friends with babies your age and they mention how excited they are for their babies to start crawling, walking, talking, and any other number of "firsts". I understand their excitement and I do share it but I would rather slow time down and savor every minute now. I spent my whole pregnancy anticipating the next big milestone - the first ultrasound, first flutters, first kicks, first contractions. I spent so much time waiting for the next big moment that I didn't take the time to appreciate all the little moments in between. I would give anything now to feel you back in mt tummy - back to when you had a special bond only with me. I know that's selfish but those were some of the most special moments in my life. So, as excited as I am to witness all your firsts, I'm equally grateful for each little moment in between.
So, my beautiful daughter, I will soak up each snuggle, coo, giggle, and smile as often as you are willing to share them. I will cherish the weight of you in my arms because I know all too soon you will be squirming to get down and explore your world. I will do my best to memorize the adoration in your eyes because I know someday soon I'll just be "your mom" and not the center of your world. But know that I will always adore you and love you in a way that only a mother can understand.
I love you peanut... more than life.