Addison and Stefani and the terrible, horrible, EPIC FAIL of a day...

'eff this day.

Addison and I ventured off into town today to run some errands. Derek wasn't feeling good (still) so I took her with me so he could rest. I had a coupon for a free car wash that expired this coming week so I decided that our first stop would be a car wash to knock a layer of mud off the Honda. I pulled in and was the fourth in line and another car pulled in behind me right away. That's about when I figured out that there was only one kid working which meant instead of zipping right through I had to sit there for thirty minutes with Addison fussing in the back seat. Finally, I get through, have a reasonably clean car... and it starts raining. Now, in hindsight, I know that i should have just taken that as a sign of things to come and turned left to go home. But noooooo, I turned right and headed to Fred Meyer's.

After securing a dripping wet shopping cart and having to park 1/2 a mile from the doors, I load Addison up and head into the store. There is no such thing as 'running in' to store when you are lugging a 13 pound car seat and a 12 pound baby... especially in the rain. We get in, find the groceries we needed and I hop in the express line - eager to get the heck out of dodge. As I'm unloading my cart and exceptionally creepy man gets into line behind me. You know the type - you hang on to your purse a little tighter and make sure that you aren't left alone in a dark parking lot... I was watching him out of the corner of my eye as I'm piling spinach, juice, and avocados on the little conveyor belt thingy and what does the asshole do?? HE LIFTS THE BLANKET OVER HER CAR SEAT AND STICKS HIS HEAD IN TO LOOK AT HER!!!!. What. The. F*&K?? Instantly, my mama bear hackles go up and I snatch the cart, push her up in front of me, snap an "Excuse me much!?" in his direction and prepare to claw out his eyeballs. Apparently, he got the message because he picked up his basket and moved to the next line. I think my blood pressure must have been about 200/150 (which would probably make me dead, but you get the idea). I gather up my groceries and scramble back out the car, looking over my shoulder the whole time, sure that this creep is going to try and snatch my kid.

My next stop was blockbuster which is very conveniently located next to a Starbucks and after my ordeal at the grocery store I decided that I deserved a coffee. So, I got our movie (Whiteout, I'll let you know how badly it sucks) and headed next door to get set up with a java IV drip. My next stop was Home Depot and the illusive search for a fan in the middle of winter. Again, you can't just run in and ask with a baby, you have to load the whole damn cart up, get inside, find a sales associate, and then find out that, no, of course they don't have fans in the dead of winter. But before I could even get that far, let me tell you about the next jackass that I encountered. The automatic doors at HD weren't working, they opened about a foot and then you had to stick your arm in and pry them open the rest of the way. There were ZERO carts outside so I had Addison, my giant diaper bag/purse, and a hot coffee in tow as I approach the door. The guy in front of me, WHO LOOKED RIGHT AT ME AND MY GIANT LOAD, pries the door open and lets it slam in my face. HELLO??!! Chivalry is apparently, dead and buried. So, I try to get positioned to pry the stupid door open and in doing so I end up pouring my piping hot Carmel Macchiato down my leg. PERFECT. So, the jerk looks at me, smooshed in the door with hot coffee all around me, and turns and walks off. Holy hell. All that to find out that they don't carry fans in the winter and I should run to Ace Hardware. Um, no.

So, I pull into Borders (because I'm a glutton for punishment) order a Coco Trio and buy a couple magazines and thankfully, nothing went wrong there.

But, it's not over yet... oh, no people, there is more. As I'm unloading my groceries at home the Sprite box tears open and cans of Sprite go rolling all over my garage. PERFECT. So, to end my awesome adventure I get to crawl around next to a wet car picking up dented cans of pop.

I need a hot bath and a strong drink. Not necessarily in that order. After all that, Monday doesn't sound half bad.