Stefani's most-fantastical-reads book montage

Crooked Kingdom
Six of Crows
Yellow Brick War
The Wicked Will Rise
Charm & Strange
Their Fractured Light
These Broken Stars
Big Little Lies
I'll Be There
Red Queen

Stefani's favorite books »

Tuesday, June 15, 2010


I am an only child. Up until a few years ago, I wouldn't have had it any other way. I had the undivided attention of my parents and got to go places and do things that most of my multi-sibling friends didn't get to do. I loved being the only one. Now, I'm older (some might say wiser but it's still up for debate) and I understand what I missed out on. Having a sibling would permit me one person in my life, near my own age, who was always there. I get that siblings don't always get along and sometimes they don't even like each other, but at least they have that option...

Let me start at the beginning...

Growing up on the outskirts of Marysville, I was surrounded by boys. My neighbor, Matt, and I were practically raised together. Our parents were all friends and we spent endless weekends camping and hiking with them. Matt let me tag along with the boys, he taught me to climb trees, build forts in the blackberry bushes, catch tadpoles (and release them in a neighbors pond... NOT a good idea), and do all the 'tom-boy' things I loved as a kid. We learned to shoot guns together, chased each other around the campfire, and were pals for my entire childhood.

Then came middle school... suddenly, it became taboo to be friends with a boy if you weren't going to call him your 'boyfriend'. Since Matt and I were practically siblings and that would have been a tad bit incestual, we went our separate ways, only talking at the bus stop. Fortunately, around this time, I met Becca. We took horseback riding lessons together and pretty soon were inseparable. I mean that. She went to a different school but every second that we weren't in school we were together at the barn or at one of our houses. That continued through high school and although we lost touch when I went to college, she was still the maid of honor in our wedding and someone that I still count as a friend, even though we almost never get to see each other.

High school. Ugh. I lived on the fringes of the in-crowd... I didn't do sports or any trendy activities - I rode horses and that was not on the acceptable list of things to do. I was however, friends with some of the 'cool kids' and they kept me around although I was never really included in anything... Looking back, I really hated high school. I did find one amazing friend in my three years at MPHS - Lisa. We met in some random math class and pretty soon we were carpooling to school and holding up signs for a car show in our bikinis on the side of State Street (which made the news, mind you). I took her to the doctor when she thought she was pregnant (which ended up being correct) and we taught swimming lessons together to the SPED kids in our district. But again, I left and went to college and we lost touch. Lisa was a bridesmaid in our wedding and her daughter was our flower girl and I love her and her adorable family to death... but I can't remember the last time I saw her in person.... :(

I met Derek right off the bat in college, and per my M.O. I built my life around him. We spent every waking moment together and I didn't really have time to make a lot of friends. Those that I did make ended up either a) moving away or b) becoming psychopathic stalkers (okay, only one of those). We moved to Yakima right after we got married and soon after I started attending CWU to get my teaching certificate. I slowly got absorbed into a group of girls that I really got along with and became close with one who I would say, for a time, was my best friend. Things in that group went to hell in a handbag and we've lost touch, to say the least. My neighbor Amanda was also one of the closest friends I've had here in Yakima, but she and her hubby moved to Seattle in January for his job and we don't talk nearly as much as I'd like... So again, I moved on and started trying to meet new friends. I have a great group of girls that I get together with every month or so but no-one that I feel comfortable calling up at 9pm and bawling my eyes out to when Addison had a rough day or Derek and I had a fight. I don't have a best friend. A BFF. Hell, I don't even have a BF, and that's what makes me sad.

This isn't meant to be a 'woe is me' post (okay, maybe a tiny bit)... but I'm really starting to feel like that guy from 'I love you, man' who starts friend dating to find a best man for his wedding. I feel like at 28 years old, everyone has already made their connections, everyone else already has a BFF.
The problem is, I'm weird. I'm neurotic. I'm silly. I'm self conscious. I'm completely OCD. It takes a really special person to 'get me' and still love me. When I become friends with someone, I give my all and I expect the same in return - it's not that I'm looking for someone to lean on and vent to as much as I'm looking for someone who will do the same in return. Someone who I can confide in and not worry about being judged or talked about... someone who will sit and eat Ben & Jerry's with me after a shitty day. Someone who will gush over Coach bags and cute shoes and who understands how freakish it is to find that wiggly, jiggly, flabby skin on the back of your arms... a girl friend.

So my questions to my interweb friends - who I love very much... is how do you go about making friends?? Not just people that you can have a drink with every once in a while, but honest to God, FRIENDS. Cuz apparently, I missed the memo...


  1. I have nooo idea how to make new friends these days. That's why I'm super glad I have a sister. Its like a built in friend.

  2. BTW I have an award for you on my blog.

  3. If you figure out how this is done please let me know will ya? You & I sound so much alike & I too have lost touch & in fact don't have that 1 close friend that I can turn too & most days it makes me feel like a bit of a loser!!


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