Stefani's most-fantastical-reads book montage

Crooked Kingdom
Six of Crows
Yellow Brick War
The Wicked Will Rise
Charm & Strange
Their Fractured Light
These Broken Stars
Big Little Lies
I'll Be There
Red Queen

Stefani's favorite books »

Friday, November 12, 2010

I used to love my car...

and now I wish I could find a way to never have to see it again. :(

It's been almost six weeks since the accident and despite my prayers and hopes - it's not totaled {close, but no cigar}. Now I'm a few days away from being behind the wheel of the CR-V again. I can't explain how terrified that makes me feel. It's not rational fear - like that something is functionally wrong with it or that it hasn't been repaired to the best of the mechanics ability. It's that I see that car and I hear breaking class and metal screeching against metal. I see shards of glass in my daughters car seat and hear horns blaring and tires screeching. In the two minutes it took to get in it and pull it out of the garage for the tow-truck, I nearly had a panic attack. My hands were sweating, I was shaking, and I was pretty sure I was going to hurl. There is nothing I want less on this planet than to get in that car again.

Can I just get rid of it? I don't know the answer to that question. The car is a lease and it's not up until this coming May. I don't know what the penalty would be for terminating the lease but it's tempting to say the least. I want something bigger. Something safer. Something that feels like it can take a hit at 35 mph without the world ending. I want a tank. I want something that will keep my family safe. I want something that I don't feel like has already failed me.

I keep praying that the body shop will burn to the ground overnight, or that a meteor will hit the car... or that aliens will abduct it - I really don't care, I just don't want it back.

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