Love isn't a strong enough word...

Adoration? Infatuation? Obsession? Maybe if we smooshed them all together into one it would measure a fraction of what I feel for this little girl. I got home from work today and didn't feel right until she was in my arms and I could cover her fuzzy little head with kisses. I've never been a baby person, I don't get all gooey when people show up with their kids, and I didn't want to teach anything below middle school because little kids were too much for me to handle. So imagine my surprise at the 180 that has become my life. I had my students watching Elf this week (yes, being a teacher rocks sometimes) and when they showed Buddy in the orphanage as a baby, all alone in his crib - it RIPPED at my heart. I never want my daughter to feel alone or abandoned, not even for a second. Seeing a homeless woman and child in another movie made me so thankful that I am able to provide a safe home and comforts for her because I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror if she didn't have those things. It's also made me realize that I would step in front of a train to save her without a second thought. I used to be so scared of dying, to the point of suffering from massive panic attacks. I'm not saying that that fear is gone now, but if me giving my life meant prolonging hers, it wouldn't even be a choice for me, it would be automatic. I love her so much that I feel like my heart could actually explode, like it wasn't built to hold this much. I get it now, I understand why people have five, six, eight kids... There was no way for me to understand the love that a mother has for her child until she was in my arms and I know that she won't be able to understand or appreciate it until she holds her own child someday. I'm so thankful that I get to spend every minute with her for the next two weeks... I will be cherishing every second.