20 Week Update

I can't believe how much faster this pregnancy is going - I feel like I JUST did my 16 week update and now I'm back again!

How far along? 20 weeks... halfway there!!
Total weight gain/loss: The scale this morning read 133.3... so, I'm up 16 pounds. I wish I had a scale that could weigh my boobs... because I'm sure 8 pounds or so is resting in my bra.
Maternity clothes? Yeah, some. Bella Band is allowing me to stay in my fat jeans for a bit longer...
Stretch marks? No new ones but I'm starting to see some of my old ones coming back... oh joy.
Sleep: Love it. Can't get enough of it. Being home for Christmas break has allowed me nap time when Addison naps and I very much enjoy that...
Best moment this week: Making hand print Christmas trees with Addison and giggling with her while I was painting her hands.
Movement: Yes, feeling kicks pretty much every day now. Still can't feel them from the outside though...
Gender: Still thinking girl... which pretty much means boy. We did the Chinese gender prediction chart thingy and one said boy while another said girl... the wedding ring test says girl... EVERYONE else in the world is voting boy. We'll see on Tuesday.
Labor Signs: Braxton-Hicks contractions every day 
Belly Button in or out? In... but shallow.
What I miss: This time of year, I miss being able to have a cocktail with friends to celebrate the holidays.
What I am looking forward to: Finding out if baby is a boy or girl on Tuesday!!!
Weekly Wisdom: There is nothing wrong with spending a day off in your jammies and getting nothing accomplished... sometimes that's the hardest thing to do!
Milestones: Half way there!! Yay!! =]

Bedtime

The cutest thing is, she was actually saying 'cheese'!

Kisses!

"But I want to jump on the bed at storytime!!"

Bittersweet...

These past few weeks have been pretty hard on me and I haven't really sat down and talked to anyone to vent it out, so I guess I'm going to ramble on the interwebs and see if it can give me any relief...

I should have been having a baby this week. When I got pregnant in the spring, my due date was right around the 15th of December. But I lost the baby and all of those dreams went out the window. [I want to stop right here to explain that I am SO thankful to be pregnant now and that so far, things are going perfectly with this pregnancy and I do realize that there was some reason that the last baby couldn't have been carried to term... so as painful as it was/is, I have come to terms with the miscarriage.] It just so happens that this pregnancy's timeline leaves milestones on some of the most painful dates - We have our big ultrasound in a week and as excited as I am to find out if baby is a boy or a girl, I can't help but think that I would have been cuddling a newborn baby at that time. I'm due on May 10th, five days after the anniversary of the miscarriage and I really, honestly fear delivering on the 5th of May just because that date holds so much pain for me. I guess I just feel like all of the 'biggies' of this pregnancy have a shadow of the lost baby hovering just out of sight...

I think the other factor that is driving all this anxiety is that we are quickly approaching week 21 in this pregnancy - the week when I made my first [of MANY] hospital visit with contractions. My pregnancy with Addison was textbook in the beginning. After week 21, it went to hell in a handbag - contractions, PUPPPS rash, bed rest... oi, the list goes on and on. I know that each pregnancy is different but I only have one to compare it with and it was so scary at the end and the closer we get to that date, the more I worry. The difference now is that I'm at work all day, so if the contractions start I can't just jump in the car and be at the ER in 15 minutes... I'm already running out of sick leave and I haven't even started my bi-weekly or weekly check-ups yet, and I'm HORRIFIED of going into labor at work... early or on time.

I know that this is all out of my control and I'm positive that is the reason that I'm so stressed about it. I hate not having a plan, not being able to know what is going to happen and when... Being pregnant in the summer sucked for a lot of reasons, but at least I was home, comfortable, and less stressed.... now I'm on my feet, with an audience of 25 at all times, uncomfortable, and... well, I work with teenagers, I'm always stressed. I know there is nothing to do except sit back and let it come as it may... but that doesn't make it any easier.

Date Night with the Hubby