Addison's Dorky Dinnertime Dance...

The show starts at 7pm every night.... in house entertainment =]

Revisiting Resolutions (Take 3)

Health:

Maintain my weight loss - I'm down to 115 pounds and still holding steady... that's almost 15 pounds less than I weighed when I got pregnant...

Workout - Can I just say that I HATE working out?? No, I haven't done The Shred - at all. I've walked a bit, gone riding once, and done a lot of yard work. I didn't even do those 50 crunches and 10 push-ups that I promised last month. We're in daylight savings now so I'm hoping that will get us out walking after work. As the weather improves I plan on riding once or twice a week at least. I'd like to do a couple of dressage schooling shows this year (my goal is three) and I am signing up for two 5k fun runs in April and May so I have some things to prepare for.

Eat healthier - Derek is on a diet which has me on a diet by default. I'm eating healthy but drinking a pop (Sprite) almost every day. I'm also drinking sugar free vitamin waters to get my water intake higher.

Personal:

Keep up on housework - Done.

Finances: Maintain a zero balance on all credit cards - Done (after I pay them off tomorrow =] )

Contribute to my IRA each month - Done.

Save a minimum of $200 per month for emergencies - My $200 went to Easter bunny expenses this month. ::hand slap::

Limit my personal spending to $100 a month - Okay, we need to look closely at this one because my money is doing a disappearing act... I'm not Catholic, so this blog post is as close as I'll get to confession... What you see below is for the month of March ONLY.

Regular Monthly Bills (utilities, student loans, etc.)
$610
(22% of my monthly income)

Savings (personal, investments, retirement)
$433
(16% of my monthly income)

Credit Card Payments (includes major and store cards):
$337
(12% of my monthly income)

(This isn't okay. I may pay them off each month but I shouldn't be charging that much in the first place. As soon as I post this blog, I'm locking up the cards.)

Groceries (including take-out)
$486
(17% of my monthly income. HOLY CRAP! This needs to be revisited, pronto. I only budget $200!!)

Vehicle (car payment, gas, insurance, maintence)
$732
(27% of my monthly income)

Addison (daycare, diapers, clothes, etc.)
$519
(18% of my monthly income)

Pets (food, vet bills, groomer, etc.)
$19
(%.01 of my monthly income)

Misc. Bills (medical expenses, prescriptions, etc.)
$103
(%.03 of my monthly income)

Spending (clothes, make-up, books, stuff that is just for me)

$187 (Currently is %.07 of my monthly income. Needs to be less than $100 or %.03 per month)

Shit balls. I spent $1000 more than I make in a month... :/ Fark. It's not my personal spending that is out of control - BIG surprise... I can't believe how much I'm spending on food (I budget $200/month) and vehicle expenses (I budget about $600).

Work:

Start my ProCert and Master's program - I am enrolled at City U and will be starting in two weeks...

Continue developing the curriculum for Language Arts - I have five unit plans done for each grade level and once massive comprehensive Writing Boot Camp unit that will take the first several months of school...

---

Okay, I wrote this whole thing out and then went back and did the math part at the end and I AM IN SHOCK. I thought since my cards were paid off at the end of the month things were okay but they are so not okay. So, no more credit cards - period. I'm going to try dividing my grocery shopping into two lists, one for the first of the month and one for the 15th (ish). Since I get paid once a month I always just shop for everything all at once but then end up making special trips for milk or whatever we're out of. I had no idea it was adding up that much! Now I'm not going to be able to sleep!! :/

Nap time...

My little love =]

Back in the saddle... again.

Today, I believe, was the biggest parenting milestone for me since giving birth... I took Addison riding! Well, in all actuality, she sat on Marika with me for a picture but still, she was in the saddle! She LOVED being around the horses (as the video below shows) and was in such a good mood the whole time we were there. I am so lucky to have friends like Will and Teresa who are willing to let me come out and ride around and especially lucky that they have Friesians coming out there ears and need people to ride them =] Today I rode Marika since my love Durk had a driving lesson. I just walked and trotted, trying to get my back and muscles ready to move again. We'll be going back again during the week and riding some more and even though I'll be sore as heck, it's well worth it!

Little Chef...

My little chef got out her giant spoon today and... chewed on it. And hit herself in the head. And dropped it on the floor. And banged it on the highchair.

Yea. We have a ways to go before she's ready to make anything other than drool sauce but it was sure fun to watch.

=]

A girl's best friend...

6 Month Check-Up...

Length: 25 1/4 inches (32%)
Weight: 13 lbs. 12 oz. (11%)
Feeding Schedule: She's still exclusively breastfeeding (via bottle)... She wakes up at 6am and has oatmeal and a 6oz. bottle. She has her next bottle around 9am and then again around noon and 3pm. Her evening feeding is rice and the veggie of the week (currently green beans) and another bottle just before bed. So far she's tried peas, carrots, squash, sweet potatoes, avocado, and green beans. The only one that got the veto from Addison was the peas. :)
Sleeping Schedule: Well, when she's healthy she goes down around 7:30 or 8pm and sleeps right on through until breakfast. She's been sick the last few weeks (RSV) and wakes up coughing or congested and needs some TLC before she goes back down. She hardly ever naps - maybe an hour or two each day if we're lucky.
Milestones: Rolling both ways, trying SO HARD to scoot but so far hasn't gotten traction, smiles at everybody, blows bubbles, has a whole bunch of sound effects, is working on sitting up on her own, eating rice, oatmeal, and veggies. Fruits are soon to come :)

Happy six month-day babygirl...

6 Months Old...

The moments in-between...

It's the quiet moments that are the hardest right now... when I'm alone in the kitchen in the morning, when I'm laying awake in the middle of the night, in the shower, in the car on the way to work... those are the times when my mind starts racing.

Faking it...

(provocative title, no? Don't worry Mom, I'm not blogging about sex...)

I'm talking about sanity. Maybe I'd be better off talking about sex. ::shrugs:: It's been a month since I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with PPD. A month of medication and waiting and hoping for a change but still, nothing. I'm still having massive anxiety attacks - moments when I feel like I've totally lost it. I read about Layla and I start to hyperventilate, imagining what her parents must be going through right now. I hear about an Amber Alert and I envision losing Addison. I watch her playing in the tub and I realize that if something happened to her, I would give up. I would absolutely lose my will to live. It's like my sympathy setting is stuck in overdrive... I imagine the worst every day and it makes me feel like my heart is breaking into a million pieces over and over again. Addison coughs and I think it's pneumonia. She gets constipated and I think it's an obstructed bowel. I'm a freaking hypochondriac for my daughter. <--- This mess is what's going on in my head every day but instead of curling up on the floor I get up, get dressed, love on my daughter, kiss my husband goodbye, go to work, and put on my 'happy face' for my coworkers and students because that's the only thing I can do. So for now, I guess I just keep faking it. Somethings gotta give, right? Either I'll get it sorted out or I'll lock myself in the bathroom for all eternity.

I go back to the doctor on Monday. We have much to discuss.

...

"I just need an overwhelming amount of love. And a nap. Mostly a nap" - Townes Van Zandt

Flowers for Layla...

Recently I've been following @laylagrace on Twitter. For those of you who don't know the full story Layla Grace is a little two-year-old girl who passed away yesterday from stage 4 neuroblastoma - a huge tumor in her abdomen. She was completely healthy at her 15 month check-up and a month later was diagnosed with cancer. Her incredibly brave parents have tweeted and blogged all throughout her treatment and she has amassed a following of tens of thousands worldwide. I can't imagine how painful it would be to lose a child - I honestly think that I would lose my will to live if something happened to Addison. I held her last night and thought of Layla's parents whose arms must be aching to hold their little girl again and I thanked God for every second that Addison has been in our lives. I am thankful that Layla is no longer suffering and, as her parents said, "is now playing with the angels." Mandy over at Harper's Happenings came up with the idea of planting flowers this Saturday (the day of her memorial service) to honor Layla's life. It's still freezing at night here in Eastern Washington but we could plant something in a pot in-doors for now. So, Addison and I will head to town this weekend and get some pretty flowers in remembrance of a little girl that we never met but who touched our lives.

Attack of the pink fuzzy blankie...

This afternoon there was a vicious attack in our house. My unsuspecting daughter was nabbed by a very cunning pink blanket. It was quite the struggle and I'm still not sure who won... the blankie wrapped her up like a burrito but then Addison puked all over it... :)

Weekend with my Mom...

My mom flew in from Phoenix for the weekend to hang out with us (read: to see her grand baby) and we had so much fun. She and Addison spent the day together on Friday while Derek and I worked. Saturday we went to lunch and for a walk along the river and Sunday we shopped till we dropped in Tri-Cities. Here are a few pics from the weekend adventures :)

Some bunny loves Addison :)

I just ordered some of Addison's Easter basket goodies from a place called Bunnies by the Bay. It's a sweet little store located north of Seattle in Anacortes. I had Bunnies from there as a child and Addison has one Silly Buddy now that she loves. I just ordered two more for her Easter basket this year and I'm so excited to get them!! If you're looking for something sweet for your little one, check them out!!

Here's what I ordered for Addison..

* I'm advertising for them because I love them, I didn't receive any compensation for this post.

::squeaaaa::

My mom flies in from Phoenix today and is staying with us for the weekend!! So excited!!!! :)

Hopes and dreams...

Addison,

You were curled up in my lap last night, fighting to stay awake even though you were so obviously exhausted. You've been sick these last few days with a cold and a cough but you still manage to smile and giggle and brighten my day, even when you aren't feeling well. As we sat there, rocking and cuddled up under your blanket, I found myself wondering what you'll be like five, ten, twenty years down the road. Each day you share a new piece of yourself with us - a new expression, a new like (or dislike... peas, for example), a new sound... and each day I continue to be in awe of you.

I know that you will grow to be your own amazing person and that no matter what you decide to do, I will love you unconditionally. There is so much that I want to teach you, things that I have learned the hard way and things that I don't want you to have to struggle with. I hope that I am able to help you avoid making some of the mistakes that I made. I hope that I can give you the tools you need to be successful and happy and safe all throughout your life. If I can accomplish that, then I feel like my purpose for this life will be fulfilled.

I hope that you will be strong. Always trust in yourself and follow your heart. Know the difference between right and wrong and understand that all of your choices have consequences. Only make the decisions that you are willing to live with for the rest of your life. Part of being strong is standing up for those who can't stand up for themselves and setting a good example for others. When you fall short, have the strength to forgive yourself and offer that same courtesy to others.

Be kind to everyone you meet - if they don't return your kindness, that's their loss. Don't judge people too quickly. Some of my best friends were found in the most unlikely of circumstances. Be a good friend - listen, support, and laugh with the people you are closest to and they will do the same for you.

Don't be afraid to fall in love - it's one of the most beautiful experiences you can have. Give your heart completely to the person you love but demand that they treat it with the respect and honor that it deserves. Someday you will meet the person that makes you feel more than whole, someone who makes your life better in ever sense of the word - don't settle for anything less than that. If you decide to have children you will find a whole new capacity for love. There aren't words that can express what it feels like to hold your own baby in your arms in those first few moments - it is truly an amazing experience that I hope you will have someday.

Experience new things - get out and see the world around you and appreciate everything you have. Your dad and I are so excited to take you all over and show you what this world has to offer. Walk barefoot on the beach, stand at the base of a mountain and take a moment to realize how small we all are, lay in an open field and watch the clouds drift by... these are the moments that you will remember for the rest of you life. Be curious about the world and about different cultures. Learn to play an instrument, try different sports, learn a second language, travel and meet new people.

Above all, remember that I love you peanut... more than life.

~ Mommy

"Love all. Trust a few. Do wrong to no one." (W. Shakespeare)

Revisiting Resolutions...

Health:

Maintain my weight loss - I'm down to 119 pounds and still holding steady... that's almost 10 pounds less than I weighed when I got pregnant...

Workout - Oi vey... this is my stumbling block. After working all day, cooking and cleaning, entertaining Addison (and Derek), I'm left with no time or energy to work out. I've gone for a few walks in the last month when the weather has cooperated. My goal for March is to walk after work whenever the weather is okay. Instead of trying to commit to the shred (which I'm so obviously failing at) I'll try and do 50 crunches every day and 10 (yes, I'm that lame and out of shape) push ups. We'll start there. I also want to start riding this month if I can figure out some way for Addison to be warm and safe and entertained while I do...

Eat healthier - I'm doing alright here. I still have my goldfish cracker obsession to keep me going at school but realistically I eat pretty healthy. I'm anxious for local produce to come into season so we can get fresh fruit at the farm. I found out that my cholesterol is high again so I need to work on lowering that (AGAIN.).

Personal:

Keep up on housework - It's been going okay. This week I came home Friday and cleaned the bedrooms, living, and dining room so Saturday I only had to do the kitchen and bathrooms, which was nice. I think I'll try doing it that way again this week. I've gotten better about picking up every night because if I don't, Addison's stuff takes over really quickly.

Finances:

Maintain a zero balance on all credit cards - Done.

Contribute to my IRA each month - Done.

Save a minimum of $200 per month for emergencies - Done.

Limit my personal spending to $100 a month - I didn't do as horrible this month... I think I spent around $300 but $100 was on my haircut. I know it's still a lot but I am obsessing about it constantly and not buying a lot of the things I would normally go out and get without thinking about...

Work:

Start my ProCert and Master's program - I am enrolled at City U and will be starting in April...

Continue developing the curriculum for Language Arts - I have four unit plans done for each grade level...