Today was the day.
I kissed my baby boy and handed him to a stranger in scrubs {albeit a nice one} who took him away to a surgical suite. He was put under general anesthesia, given an IV, and a plastic surgeon removed the skin tag and underlying cartilage from his right ear. In return I was given a Motorola pager and told to report back to the desk when it went off. I have to say, it was not a fair trade. Derek and I went upstairs and got ourselves some Starbucks for breakfast and waited nervously for the stupid thing to beep. We finally gave up and decided to go sit in the lobby so we would be
right there when they paged us... it went off as we stepped into the elevator. We waited in a room for the surgeon to come and update us and started to get panicked when we heard that the family that was put in the room next to us was receiving 'bad news' {we don't know what, they closed the door}. We had also been put in one of the two 'private' counseling rooms, instead of the more public cubical conference rooms in the waiting area. Every terrifying thought that can go through a mother's head started right then and by the time the doctor came in to tell us that everything was fine, the tears were welling up in my eyes. But, EVERYTHING WAS FINE. We waited again, this time for him to come out of recovery so we could cuddle him and feed him and snuggle him... and it felt like we waited forever. But finally, a blanket with a familiar fuzzy head came around the corner and my boy was back in my arms, hungry and demanding food, which was a wonderful sign. He ate, we snuggled, I finally took a full breath and after three hours of waiting for it to be over.
When Cohen was born I didn't even notice the ear tag... everybody always jokes about how they count their baby's fingers and toes to make sure everything was perfect but it took the pediatrician pointing it out at his first check-up (12ish hours old) for me to even know it existed. And for some reason, that fact made me feel so awful - how could I have not noticed this thing on my child that a perfect stranger picked up on in a few seconds. And then I felt awful because I couldn't believe something was 'wrong' {this was 12 hours postpartum, exhausted, hormonal me thinking - not me now} with my baby and so I felt the need to point it out and explain it to everyone, so they wouldn't wonder what it was. And
then I felt awful for deciding to have it removed. I know it was the right decision - it would continue to grow and could impact him when he's older. The chinstrap on a football helmet would rub on it or the jerks in middle school would say something mean - and we wanted to prevent that if we could. But honestly, I fell in love with that little nub. It was part of my boy - my perfect, sweet, amazing little boy. And a part of me feels that by opting to remove it we are somehow sending a message that he wasn't perfect, that he needed to be 'fixed' and that is something that this mama's heart is going to have to wrestle with. I know to the rest of the world it's a small matter - but I want my babies to know that I love them unconditionally and they are perfect and beautiful -
no matter what. So today was bittersweet... I believe that we did what was right and healthy {this type of defect can [rarely] be a sign of other developmental problems but Cohen doesn't have any of the signs. However, the nub was sent to the pathology lab just to be safe.}.
So it was a hard day - a long trip over the mountains in torrential rain, an early 3am feeding, followed by a happy baby who thought 3am was the PERFECT time to play and chatter, a 4:45am wake-up call to get ready and get to the hospital, a 6:45 am check in time, an 8am surgery, and a 10am drive back home. Luckily, Addison was ready for a nap {as was her brother and parents}, so we all got a two hour siesta and were surprised by our neighbor who brought us a delicious home cooked meal.
At the days end, the only thing that matters is that my baby boy is sleeping soundly in his crib and that his sister's first words when we got home were, "Is baby Cohen's ear all better?". I love my babies, so much that sometimes it hurts.
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Cohen was DETERMINED to steal Daddy's ID badge... it was a fun game while we were waiting for surgery. |
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My Bub's little nub... |
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All ready to go and rockin' the hospital gown... Derek wouldn't let me take a picture with his little bum hanging out :) |
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A much deserved meal after a long morning! |
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This was almost as painful for me to deal with as the surgery... :( |
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No more nub, just a band aid and some stitches... sorry it's blurry - 6 month old boys fresh out of surgery aren't particularly cooperative when it comes to picture taking. |
{Thank you Instagram for allowing me to document this entire process AND edit photos at the same time...}